Grief

It is a sad night at our house. Now I can't sleep. One of our family cats died. Tommy thought it was strange when she didn't come eat, but I had just seen her asleep in the bedroom. Then when we went to bed we found her. Ohhh tommorrow is not going to be good. Her name was simply Baby. She was Tommy's favorite. He is devasted. I am awake. I probably will be all night. This is the first pet I will have to bury. My girls are going to be devasted. She was such a good cat. Loving, patient, and kind. My heart hurts for my girls. I'm not sure what happened she was just fine, in no pain that I could tell. I don't know, why she died. Now I am grieving, I know I won't sleep much if any.

CHeck it OUt! Check it out!

I don't know if any of you have watched Nickelodeon lately. You know the cable channel? I have two little girls so I see a lot of Nick, Nick Jr, Disney, Sprout....you know the good stuff. On Nick there is a show called "Sunny with a chance". It is a show in a show about teens that do a sketch comedy show. I personally think it's amazing. It makes me think of "In Living Color". They have the sketch called the "check it out" girls. It's annoying and hilarious. My daughters and I have been going to the library. It's been a great success. I love our local library. They have great programs. There is a summer reading incentive, scavenger hunts in the children's department, and free family movies. So, I challenge you to find your local library and "Check it out".

Memorial Day

I come from a patriotic family. We joke that we bleed red, white and blue. My father is a Marine (once and always). My brother was an army Sargent. I am so proud of my family. My brother is rough and tough. My brother has Psoriasis it is a skin condition that is very debilitating, but he soldiers on. With his disease come arthritis, he is in pain all of the time. He also knows of the true meaning of patriotism. On the days leading up to Memorial day, my brother and sister go out to the cemeteries and place flags on the graves of the men and women who gave all so that we can have our freedom. I was privileged to go with him to one cemetery this weekend. It was humbling to stop and say thank you to ones that some have forgotten. It was also discouraging to see the way some people disrespect our soldiers. Do you know that some of the brass plates marking the veterans graves have been stolen. Some have been covered with dirt and grass seed because some don't want to mess with mowing around them. How could someone do that? It hurts my heart.

I'm putting my inner child in a time out.

Within the last year I have been fighting with my inner child. My inner child has been having some serious temper fits. She has dug her heels in and refused to do what she has been told to do. I have seen her personally flop down on the floor kicking her feet and pounding her fists in complete rebellion, screaming at the top of her lungs. Now I have seen several solutions for how to deal with rebellious children. You can put them in time out. You can give them a spanking. You can even completely ignore them. This advice in the basis for most parents of rebellious children, but what about your inner child. I have shaken my self so hard at times I'm surprised that i don't have some form of whiplash. Daily i continue to fight. I reason, console, beg and bribe. I have done a lot of ignoring also. Maybe you do not have these troubles but this is just one of my many issues.

Well, What do you know

I have started taking online classes. I have worked at just about everything but I do not have a degree to back it up. I thought about it and decided that a degree in Medical Office Management would be a good field to go into. One of the classes i have to take is a Composition class, one of the requirements a blog. Well, I thought I have that done that. I thought I had been writing here for two years or so. I was shocked to find out I have been at it for five years. Imagine you the internet have been putting up with my drivel for five years. All I have to say is thank you so much. I know I whine, moan, and groan. I hope I have written something that made you think. I have also realized that my posts have become few and far between. With this new class I will start again. Hopefully I will write with better purpose.

Rants, I hope no one is really reading anymore

I haven't posted on here in over a year. Kids, Jobs, People got in the way, you know life. But i think if i don't send some of these rants out into the void i will lose my mind.
All my life i've played fair, done the right thing, lived by the golden rule. I tell people i'm terminally nice. I can't help it. I'm trying to learn to be more assertive. Stand up for myself. Well, in this last year I stood up for myself. I was right, i was. And i got screwed. My supervisor was not doing her job, a job that had to get done, so i stepped up as the person that had the most experience and with the help of the other part of the team, did the job. I did it better. I worked hard, did my thing. Then the write-ups false ones, started coming in. I was excessively late, but we weren't allowed to pull keys before 7 and the two time clocks didn't match. I was rude and demanding. If you know me you know i'm terminally nice. They tried to suspend me without pay for three days. I told the agency i worked for i was being harassed, they said this was their biggest account, they weren't going to do anything. I talked to the other company, they said it was the temp agencies problem. So, i smiled, and took it. I watched my p's and q's. Then the supervisor got a better paying job. Nice... ok it will get better i thought. I even interviewed for the supervisor's position. I had the training, I had the experience. I could have walked into that job and had everything running smooth. Guess what they of course didn't hire me. They hired someone that had no experience. When they accused me of trying to steal a bible i had been told to put in my desk. Of course the supervisor "didn't recall telling me that" I quit. I hated that. I loved my job. I even liked the people i was working for. But i was starting to have panic attacks at work from the uber critisim.
I know there are reasons for things in life. But times are hard, I'm making it through. The depression is the worst. I've dug myself out so many times. I've interviewed for one other job there and nothing. It makes me want to stomp my foot like a little kid and yell "It's not fair!". And i hate feeling like that.
I'm the kind of person that thinks get over it and go on with your life. I don't want bad things to happen to those people. I just want my job back or a better one.
There are days where all i want to do is sleep. I don't have as much patience with my children as i should.
Money is tight. Christmas was almost my undoing. My family was the only thing that got me through. I'm taking classes online,trying to make myself better educated. The want ads are not helping me. When i finally get to an interview, i have to explain why i left the other job. I think that me telling them i was harassed doesn't work. I'm so frustrated all the time. There are times when i just want to go away, just for awhile, so that no one is asking me for something, money doesn't matter. I'm the one everyone complains to. I don't like to complain to anyone. I hope no one reads this anymore.

It's been so long....

I haven't blogged in almost three months. I'm so bad. Maybe I need to get back on the horse. There is so much. Kindergarden, growing up. I'll have pictures and dish to come soon.

Summer 2008

Busy, Busy Busy. I've lost wireless for a month now. Can you tell I do everything wireless. I was on the phone with the cable company, and the wireless. Forrr hours, for them to tell me that the wireless router was defective. This after two hours of roaming around on the main computer, pinging the host and doing all kinds of fun things. Why they couldn't have told me that after a half an hour i don't know. Frustrating. That seems to be the main feeling for the summer. I hate being frustrated. It just seems like i'm hitting my head against the wall at times.
My new job, I'm doing very well at. Who knew I'd like working in a prison mailroom. I'm usually the last one out the door, with the other women i work with, tapping their feet and telling me to come on. I find that i'm very much task oriented. I want to finish everything, everyday. THat is not always possible, no matter how hard i work. The holiday season is going to be worse. But i'm up for the challenge.
At home, the summer has been interesting. The house i grew up in is now my house. The downstairs works well with central air, the upstairs with the bedrooms not so much. We use a lot of fans. There is still other peoples things taking up half of my dining room. But someday i get it done. I've been cleaning, and cleaning out a little at a time.
My daughters, well they are the wild girls they always are.
Hannah is almost in kinder garden. Which is unbelieveable to me. She is such a leader, whether you want her to be or not. She is sensitive too. I worry for her. She will get her heart broken a lot. She sang her first special this summer at church. A little friend of hers, asked the morning she was to sing if Hannah could sing with her. I said sure. Hannah took it all in stride. She marched up to the platform, not a nerve, not a fear, and sang. And marched off. She has also decided that she likes to help me clean, and make the beds herself, you know i'm not knocking that. She still can't imagine why anyone would do something that wasn't her way. Lord, help me to guide this child. I need much grace.
Phoebe Jo is coming out of her shell around strangers more. She says hi to people, but they don't always here her. Then she's mad, "mama, i say hi to that lady and she not say hi back" lol. I've explained to her thousands of times they just didn't hear her. She loves to play by herself, go figure. I love it. Hannah always needs somebody to play with. I watched Phoebe Jo play one day on the slide outside. For hours people, i didn't watch the whole time but for a good 20 minutes i did, just going up and down the slide. Phoebe sings, and sings all the words to alot of songs. At least when no one is looking but i enjoy it. And if anything with a beat comes on. She is boogieing down. It is so cute to watch her shoulders start wiggling.
My girls, my joys
I have struggled this summer. Still am. Maybe it's my age. ewww, i hate that. But i feel myself slipping into depression. I kick and scream my way out. Poor Tommy. He has had to put up with me. I'm a easy going happy person by general nature. But this summer i've struggled so hard. I find myself wanting to cry for no reason. And the PMS horrible. Do you all struggle?
I work very hard to be consistent with the girls, i want them to be sweet well behaved girls. Sometimes, a lot of times i feel i'm getting no where. I know it won't get easier, but i wish it would ease up some.
Well, enough of my rambling. Have a good day.

EVERYBODY..... EVERYBODY.... SHE'S FIVE!

I can't believe it. My star, diva supreme. She is now five years old. Hannah is so sweet. She has now started making my bed. No, I didn't ask her to, she just found it something she could do. (and no i don't make my bed, horrible I know) So, now every night she comes upstairs and makes the beds. On the day before her birthday, she walked everywhere telling everyone "Hello, my name is Hannah and tommorow i will be FIVE!" She is so funny. She has never met a stranger. She graduated from pre-school. There was only one moment where I got teary eyed. They play Pomp and Circumstance as the preschoolers walk in, in there construction paper mortar board hats. I had to say to my self don't cry, don't cry. Life moves so fast, now they are graduating.

hummmm....Stress...yeahh

So, there has been a lot of stress at the compound. Have you ever wanted to just do the primal scream thing and then spill out all your feelings and there is no one to do it to. yeah, that's where i'm at. Lets see. There's been a suicide, a pastor resign, a crisis of faith, yeah that's just a start and the suicide doesn't have to do with the pastor resigning. I know better than putting my faith in men, in mankind in general. But a pastor of 17 years, i'm just tired, weary, put off.

I wish you had a scratch and sniff screen

In my world there is one sure sign that it's spring. The lilacs start blooming. The ones in our yard have been there most of my life. I call them Heritage Lilacs. They smell soo good. We also have blooming plum trees. I was impressed by God's nature, this plum tree had been broken almost completely in half and yet even from the bruised and battered tree it still bloomed beautifully. Ok so you preachers, who don't read this blog there is sooo totally a message in that. I thought the pictures turned out well.

In other news I got a job. Thank the good Lord. I'm in prison. No really. I'm working at a prison in the mail room. I really like the job. I like the people I'm working with and the job keeps me busy the entire day, so much so i want to work over. But that is not an option there, when it's 3:30 pm they are all gooonne. It's close to home too. So I am very thankful. I went inside the prison it self today. It was no big deal. Don't get me wrong I respect the fact that these men are in there for a reason, but i'm not scared. I told one of the men my first name, i think that was a no no. The women that work there don't want them to know there first name. (shrugs) i think its kinda silly for grown men to call me Miss JerriAnn. That's what the kids in daycare used to call me or Miss Colvin. They are grown men for pete's sake.

So that all the news that is the news. Come back again for the next installment of As my world turns.

The new doo's

Here is Miss Phoebe Jo, showing off her talents along with her new doo. The face is inspired by her cousin Alyssa. The doo is the only thing we could do to even up her hair.















Here is Hannah sporting her short layer look it was warm today and her hair is going all frizzy. We layered her hair and it curl like no ones business. Go figure.






Ahhh sisterly love. Yeah it was mostly staged, but not entirely. My beautiful girls.















Here is a picture of Phoebe actually smiling a good smile. It's hard to get a picture of it,of course it had to be blurry. (notice the cat in the window in the background. They are loving the windows being open)







Ok, let me explain. You remember Smokey the cat my Hannah adored and came up missing. Well, my brother was at the bank last week and there was a cat there. He was mostly white with a few gray spots. He looked a little, and i mean a very little like Smokey. My brother being the kind hearted man that he is and knowing the Hannah still missed Smokey decided to bring him home to us. He is now our outside cat. His poor nose looks pretty bedraggled. He is so sweet though and a real talker. So, this is now Spot our outside cat. We have tried letting him peek inside but George had a serious fit. Besides he's good outside.

OOhhh nooo a Famullet

I had a small crisis at my house. My daughters came down from upstairs, I saw Hannah first, and I noticed a chuck of hair hanging from the side of her head. Then her sister came in to my line of sight. OHHH people. My beautiful blonde girl has a female mullet. It's awful. I have a hair appointment for them in the morning. I immediately called my sister. Most of the conversation went something like this. "oohhh Jeannette, Ohhhh jeannette." at least my side of it. Her side went mostly "Don't kill them. It will be ok. Let them live at least I get there. Don't kill her I'll get an appointment with Dawn." I'm pretty sure, I scared my sister a little. You see I don't cry, not often, and I was seriously in tears. So, now tomorrow, I will go to Dawn, who is a great hair stylist, and see what she can do. There of course been pictures taken of Phoebe's hair. I'm hoping to get one tomorrow afterwards. Her hair is going to be short. OOHHH

Brought to you by your friendly local Papergirl.

If you happen to live in the little town of Dublin, then I probably drove by your house at 3 a.m. this morning. You see the job situation has not been going so well. I saw an ad in the paper for a paper route. I am now a paper girl. It's a small route but it's ok. Not the kind of money I need but it's some at least. The fun part is that the papers have to be delivered by 7 a.m. on Saturday and Sunday. That is a some early hours. Plus, Tommy leaves for work at 6 a.m. on Saturday, so basically I have to have it done on Saturday but 5:30 a.m. People that is waay before breakfast. So, I was waiting for my papers to be delivered to me at 3 a.m. I finished the route but 5 a.m. with some time to double check it. Sunday's paper is the big one so, we will see. But I'll have more time tomorrow too. Right now I'm a little sleepy. I did come home, and go to bed but the girls were of course up at 7 a.m. maybe if i can get them to take a nap, I can too. Do you guys want to place any bets on the girls refusing to take a nap to day. Man, I wish caffeine did anything for me.

More Grace please!!!!

It is nap time at my house at the moment. Glorious, nap time. Everything is quiet and still, everyone, but me, are asleep. The last days have been difficult. I'm not sure if it's the moon, or I'm PMSing, or what, but the girls have been on my last nerve. Jumping up and down on it hard too. I try really hard to be consistent, loving, patient but sometimes they won't have anything to do with it. I've been wanting to escape. Run far far away. I have my name in with three temporary agencies, I've sent out resumes all over, and yet I still don't have a job. My last nerve and my last dime. That's not a good place to be.

Ramblin', Ramblin', Ramblin', Keep those words a comin'

I've decided I'm going to use the internet as my support group. I know some of you ladies out there are wonderful peeps, so here I go. The one thing I miss the most about the Bible study group,is the adult conversations, and the sounding boards those wonderful women were. They were kind but honest.

We are going to have a Vacation Bible School at my church this summer. Of course we are on a tight budget, although if anything was needed I'm sure the wonderful people would give untill their pockets were empty. My Mom had noticed that in her Sunday School class the kids didn't even know the basic bible stories. So, we decided that we would do the Bible Heroes. My mom knows I love this stuff and I'm the queen of finding stuff on the net so she set me loose. I have many great things. I figured I'll share with you in case you need it.

I found these amazing things Memory Cross scripture helpers. It up at memorycross.com/VBS

I think they are so inventive. I also looked at that and said, hmmmm I should be able to figure out how that is done. So, I obsessed a little and figured it out. I put a picture of it on the side of my blog, but i'm not sure I did it right. I'm telling you, if you are a children's church director I think they will be a great addition. Maybe as treats. There is also some you can give out at halloween and valentines day. It's worth the trip over there.

Next website called ebibleteacher.com it's a great resource site and they have made up these wonderful bible trading cards. I think they would be great for any childrens church plus they have many sunday school lessons. They also have songs.

Lets see. Next, we have a website called www.homeword.ws they have great coloring pages. I think that they would make a great ministry for a church. Have the coloring pages or maybe the bulletin inserts for your church.

I think that's all for the moment. It's spring break and i have childrens running literally all over the house. I post more later.

YOoooo Gabagaba

If you don't have preschoolers you may not know this name. It's a new show that my girls love. Phoebe especially. She is at this moment dancing around with the characters. It's so cute. I wish I had a camera. They have a section on the show where they make funny faces. I'm telling you people it's funny stuff. There have been some people that have had troubles with some of the shapes of the characters, but I think it's people making too much of nothing. If you have a preschooler you should check it out.

Fellow ship.....

I grew up in the church. I was born on a Wednesday, and I think my first Sunday was in church. I was there almost every Sunday, Wednesday, and revival meeting. I love the family. I love the atmosphere. I love the culture itself. I remember going to Vacation Bible School every summer and drinking it all in. I loved the way they told stories. One time, when I was about twelve my pastor's wife let me tell part of the story. I was one of three in my church that got the privilege. When it was my turn I went so far into the story and got so carried away I told most of the other persons story.

Sometimes I think in sermon outlines. Sounds funny, but it's true. I will be reading a scripture and there it will be in my head. Or worse, I will be listening to a preacher, and see a different sermon. Then it's very hard to concentrate. My brain keeps yelling, nooo you missed the whole point.

So, I taught children. When I was in college I used to find it so amusing. You get the boys up that want to be preachers, in front of kids, they are terrified. You see kids are deathly blunt. If you are boring, they will tell you, in the middle of your service, in the middle of you sentence.
I love it. I love telling stories and seeing them understand the meaning behind it.
Let me tell you now if you are in a church, and you have a children's church. You need to go right now and hug them and give them a day off.

A couple of years ago I work as a children's church director, well I did everything. I tried asking for help, but the church was just so happy that someone would take care of it they just forgot, or turned a blind eye. I got so burned out. They would bus children in and then, just hand them over. Which I thought was a privilege, but I would ask for just people to come sit in the pews with the children. I remember one summer there was 40 children from the ages of 3 to 13. I know it was mostly my own fault, but I finally could not go on any more. I had to quit. I hated it, but i had to. And then I left that church. It wasn't the people of the church, it was me, I needed some kind of spiritual food.

I still miss teaching children. I miss telling bible stories. I lost a lot of my faith through the years. More so in people than religion. I've written this post in my mind over and over. Debated about posting it. I work very hard to "work out my own salvation through Christ" but it's been so difficult. I used to go to bible study with these wonderful women. I miss them something horrible. I need fellowship... friendship with women, I'm having a hard time find it. I envy people with a ladies ministry in there church. Have any of you ever felt this way?

Proof of the honey and other random notes.

Ok, here is the proof. This is what i saw when I walked by my shoes the other day. I was so aggravated, but I was trying not to laugh too. Oh, she didn't see me smiling at all. I called my sister and asked if she wanted to keep Hannah. I didn't get a picture of her sisters shoes with the toothpaste in them.

Most of the time if you happen to come to my house this is one of the faces you'll see in the front window greeting you. I've tried getting a picture of Baxter in the window but he's too dark, and doesn't show up LOL.

I made some bread the other day and of course had some help. Her are the girls loaves of bread. Aren't they cute?

Here are the girls last Sunday dressed for Sunday school. Please pay no attention to the mess in the background. Look at Hannah posing isn't that hilarious. I can't get Phoebe to just smile nicely to save my life. OOhh yea Baxter has got to be in on everything.

ummmm somebody???

I was in the bathroom tonight and I noticed that there was something funny about PB Joe's shoes. When I took a closer look, I saw that someone had put a rather large glob of toothpaste in each shoe. Now, PB can not reach the toothpaste, and I didn't do it. So, I called in Hannah. First she lied, which I hate with a passion. Then she finally fessed up. I sent her up to her bed while I cleaned the toothpaste out of the shoes and got ready to wash them. Then as I was heading into the laundry room I glanced at my shoes. There was yellow globs in them. Now the former toothpaste was red, so I investigated. People, it was Honey.
Now i would never sell my darling children. I wouldn't give them away, for anything. But if there is anyone out there who think that they need a child to complete their life, and everything will be sunshine and roses. Would you like to borrow my gorgeous child...hummm maybe please for a night or two? I'll take her back I promise.