Grief

It is a sad night at our house. Now I can't sleep. One of our family cats died. Tommy thought it was strange when she didn't come eat, but I had just seen her asleep in the bedroom. Then when we went to bed we found her. Ohhh tommorrow is not going to be good. Her name was simply Baby. She was Tommy's favorite. He is devasted. I am awake. I probably will be all night. This is the first pet I will have to bury. My girls are going to be devasted. She was such a good cat. Loving, patient, and kind. My heart hurts for my girls. I'm not sure what happened she was just fine, in no pain that I could tell. I don't know, why she died. Now I am grieving, I know I won't sleep much if any.

CHeck it OUt! Check it out!

I don't know if any of you have watched Nickelodeon lately. You know the cable channel? I have two little girls so I see a lot of Nick, Nick Jr, Disney, Sprout....you know the good stuff. On Nick there is a show called "Sunny with a chance". It is a show in a show about teens that do a sketch comedy show. I personally think it's amazing. It makes me think of "In Living Color". They have the sketch called the "check it out" girls. It's annoying and hilarious. My daughters and I have been going to the library. It's been a great success. I love our local library. They have great programs. There is a summer reading incentive, scavenger hunts in the children's department, and free family movies. So, I challenge you to find your local library and "Check it out".

Memorial Day

I come from a patriotic family. We joke that we bleed red, white and blue. My father is a Marine (once and always). My brother was an army Sargent. I am so proud of my family. My brother is rough and tough. My brother has Psoriasis it is a skin condition that is very debilitating, but he soldiers on. With his disease come arthritis, he is in pain all of the time. He also knows of the true meaning of patriotism. On the days leading up to Memorial day, my brother and sister go out to the cemeteries and place flags on the graves of the men and women who gave all so that we can have our freedom. I was privileged to go with him to one cemetery this weekend. It was humbling to stop and say thank you to ones that some have forgotten. It was also discouraging to see the way some people disrespect our soldiers. Do you know that some of the brass plates marking the veterans graves have been stolen. Some have been covered with dirt and grass seed because some don't want to mess with mowing around them. How could someone do that? It hurts my heart.

I'm putting my inner child in a time out.

Within the last year I have been fighting with my inner child. My inner child has been having some serious temper fits. She has dug her heels in and refused to do what she has been told to do. I have seen her personally flop down on the floor kicking her feet and pounding her fists in complete rebellion, screaming at the top of her lungs. Now I have seen several solutions for how to deal with rebellious children. You can put them in time out. You can give them a spanking. You can even completely ignore them. This advice in the basis for most parents of rebellious children, but what about your inner child. I have shaken my self so hard at times I'm surprised that i don't have some form of whiplash. Daily i continue to fight. I reason, console, beg and bribe. I have done a lot of ignoring also. Maybe you do not have these troubles but this is just one of my many issues.

Well, What do you know

I have started taking online classes. I have worked at just about everything but I do not have a degree to back it up. I thought about it and decided that a degree in Medical Office Management would be a good field to go into. One of the classes i have to take is a Composition class, one of the requirements a blog. Well, I thought I have that done that. I thought I had been writing here for two years or so. I was shocked to find out I have been at it for five years. Imagine you the internet have been putting up with my drivel for five years. All I have to say is thank you so much. I know I whine, moan, and groan. I hope I have written something that made you think. I have also realized that my posts have become few and far between. With this new class I will start again. Hopefully I will write with better purpose.

Rants, I hope no one is really reading anymore

I haven't posted on here in over a year. Kids, Jobs, People got in the way, you know life. But i think if i don't send some of these rants out into the void i will lose my mind.
All my life i've played fair, done the right thing, lived by the golden rule. I tell people i'm terminally nice. I can't help it. I'm trying to learn to be more assertive. Stand up for myself. Well, in this last year I stood up for myself. I was right, i was. And i got screwed. My supervisor was not doing her job, a job that had to get done, so i stepped up as the person that had the most experience and with the help of the other part of the team, did the job. I did it better. I worked hard, did my thing. Then the write-ups false ones, started coming in. I was excessively late, but we weren't allowed to pull keys before 7 and the two time clocks didn't match. I was rude and demanding. If you know me you know i'm terminally nice. They tried to suspend me without pay for three days. I told the agency i worked for i was being harassed, they said this was their biggest account, they weren't going to do anything. I talked to the other company, they said it was the temp agencies problem. So, i smiled, and took it. I watched my p's and q's. Then the supervisor got a better paying job. Nice... ok it will get better i thought. I even interviewed for the supervisor's position. I had the training, I had the experience. I could have walked into that job and had everything running smooth. Guess what they of course didn't hire me. They hired someone that had no experience. When they accused me of trying to steal a bible i had been told to put in my desk. Of course the supervisor "didn't recall telling me that" I quit. I hated that. I loved my job. I even liked the people i was working for. But i was starting to have panic attacks at work from the uber critisim.
I know there are reasons for things in life. But times are hard, I'm making it through. The depression is the worst. I've dug myself out so many times. I've interviewed for one other job there and nothing. It makes me want to stomp my foot like a little kid and yell "It's not fair!". And i hate feeling like that.
I'm the kind of person that thinks get over it and go on with your life. I don't want bad things to happen to those people. I just want my job back or a better one.
There are days where all i want to do is sleep. I don't have as much patience with my children as i should.
Money is tight. Christmas was almost my undoing. My family was the only thing that got me through. I'm taking classes online,trying to make myself better educated. The want ads are not helping me. When i finally get to an interview, i have to explain why i left the other job. I think that me telling them i was harassed doesn't work. I'm so frustrated all the time. There are times when i just want to go away, just for awhile, so that no one is asking me for something, money doesn't matter. I'm the one everyone complains to. I don't like to complain to anyone. I hope no one reads this anymore.